So, I'm going to go back to work full time. I just could no longer stand watching another, and yet another mortgage repayment (on my house) be repaid by my partner. I'm tired of not being able to fully contribute, and I gave up hope that my mortgage insurance would come through.
I made that decision a month or so ago and have tendered my resignations at both my part time, and my casual/contract jobs, which combined, were just not paying the bills. I have a start date back at my full time professional job, in the city - at the end of this month. I made the decision with dragging feet and a heavy heart - but I believe it is the only realistic choice for me to make right now.
Ironically, yesterday my mortgage insurance company called me to say that they have accepted my claim and have made a quite large back payment into my mortgage account. So it goes!
My partner and I struggle along, trying hard to love one another in the middle of the muddle. I do so,so want this relationship to succeed. It's proving to be one of my most difficult challenges yet! I don't know if it's him, or me, or my 'illness' - but we slide down some horribly slippery slopes and fine ourselves in some fairly awful places. Yet we persist. We attend counselling (probably not often enough) and we try again.
We are like the little girl with the curl. When we are good, we are very, very good ....
We love similar music and love to explore that together. We enjoy similar foods and both lean towards plant dominated, though omnivorous choices much of the time. We love to laugh together, over simple things, we like to watch movies together ...
Why do things get as bad as they do? We both struggle with that. We both drag our bags of stones, from past hurts, and we both struggle, I think, to filter what is real and now from what is past, but has scarred.
Fingers crossed: we will make it. Fingers crossed: work won't kill me.
I'm off to the shops to pick up some basics to refresh my 'corporate' wardrobe.
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