It's 'hump' day already! Except that there is no hump, because I haven't been going to work. What a luxury, what a wondrous relief, what a pressure valve release. Work really was killing me. That doesn't necessarily mean it was 'work's fault' - just that I wasn't coping, at all. I feel sick even thinking about the possibility of having to go back in for just one day. Yesterday I felt quite distressed for a while, just having to deal with talking to a few work people on the phone and sending in my application for 10 months leave without pay. In fact, I can feel my throat, temples and shoulders tightening just typing about work right now. Youch. Toxic!
Monday was great. My partner and I drove to a riverside club about 45mins from here to meet some friends for lunch and then go out on their boat for the afternoon with them. It was a really magic afternoon. Lunch was long and lazy and full of happy chatter. It was only the second time my man had met these wonderful old friends of mine (they were visiting from interstate), so it was great to see him get to know some people who mean so much to me. The boat trip was perfect. We spent about 3 hours out on the river, exploring a little and at one stage, just drifting, sitting on the water, near a river beach and a stunning waterfall. Absolutely idyllic. If only life could be like that all the time.
Why is life not like that all the time? Well, largely due to the simple fact of the affordability issue. Things must be paid for. This is going to become more of an issue, ongoing, with me not working. I'm scared. My partner is quite confident that he's happy to be the main/sole breadwinner - but we do have 2 mortgages to service, and 3 properties to upkeep - that's a pretty big undertaking! For the next 5 months, we also have our au pair here, so there's his meals and lodging plus 'pocket money' to deal with as well. We are going to have to watch our pennies very, very closely. I think I'm nervous for good reason on this one. Especially when my initial trip to a psychiatrist (tomorrow) carries a $320 price tag, and I am not in a private health fund!
Yesterday was a good day too. Different to Monday, but good. We just did a bit of stuff at home in the morning - wait - I'm filtering - the dealing with work stuff was not so good, but I guess it was positive in that I managed to get a little bit of forwards progress in the 'don't have to go back there for a while' direction ... Late morning the three of us (self, partner, au pair) went out in search of carpet shampoo and light fittings and had just a pleasant, no stress (precisely what my doctor really did order!) outing, and got back to our end of the Coast in time to pick up my son from school. I'm going to really miss my man when he has to go back to work next week, it's been truly magic, and very healing, having him around for this fortnight with me.
I had a nap yesterday afternoon. I do get so tired. I'm not sure how much of that is linked to depression directly and how much is diet, and lack of fitness. I guess they are all so intrinsically interlinked, it's not possible to just say it's this, or it's that. The males of the household had opted for a BBQ yesterday - so in the evening they began to move towards that outcome. I had been dreaming of Natalie's chicken and mushroom lasagne all day, so when I got up after my snooze I went and got the ingredients and made an experimental version in and around other dinner preparations. It's in the fridge now, with just a tiny tasting slice removed. It can be lunch. Or dinner I guess. I don't think we've got anything else planned. Again, nice to have a backup that is tasty and easy (now that it's done) just sitting and waiting as a just in case, in the fridge.
So - have we had progress (two entire happy days - and that's such a feat it feels like a week) or just an up that will inevitably swing the other way? I don't know. All I know is (with a very small couple of quick exceptions) the past 2 days have been wonderful. And I didn't even tell you about the job offer. This is the status quo I need to work towards ... whatever it takes.
Time to plan dinner (yes, that chicken and mushroom lasagne is really just the backup - and lunch- plan) & get on with my day. It's very naughty sitting in bed well after 9 in the morning, but it feels nice!
Monday was great. My partner and I drove to a riverside club about 45mins from here to meet some friends for lunch and then go out on their boat for the afternoon with them. It was a really magic afternoon. Lunch was long and lazy and full of happy chatter. It was only the second time my man had met these wonderful old friends of mine (they were visiting from interstate), so it was great to see him get to know some people who mean so much to me. The boat trip was perfect. We spent about 3 hours out on the river, exploring a little and at one stage, just drifting, sitting on the water, near a river beach and a stunning waterfall. Absolutely idyllic. If only life could be like that all the time.
Why is life not like that all the time? Well, largely due to the simple fact of the affordability issue. Things must be paid for. This is going to become more of an issue, ongoing, with me not working. I'm scared. My partner is quite confident that he's happy to be the main/sole breadwinner - but we do have 2 mortgages to service, and 3 properties to upkeep - that's a pretty big undertaking! For the next 5 months, we also have our au pair here, so there's his meals and lodging plus 'pocket money' to deal with as well. We are going to have to watch our pennies very, very closely. I think I'm nervous for good reason on this one. Especially when my initial trip to a psychiatrist (tomorrow) carries a $320 price tag, and I am not in a private health fund!
Yesterday was a good day too. Different to Monday, but good. We just did a bit of stuff at home in the morning - wait - I'm filtering - the dealing with work stuff was not so good, but I guess it was positive in that I managed to get a little bit of forwards progress in the 'don't have to go back there for a while' direction ... Late morning the three of us (self, partner, au pair) went out in search of carpet shampoo and light fittings and had just a pleasant, no stress (precisely what my doctor really did order!) outing, and got back to our end of the Coast in time to pick up my son from school. I'm going to really miss my man when he has to go back to work next week, it's been truly magic, and very healing, having him around for this fortnight with me.
I had a nap yesterday afternoon. I do get so tired. I'm not sure how much of that is linked to depression directly and how much is diet, and lack of fitness. I guess they are all so intrinsically interlinked, it's not possible to just say it's this, or it's that. The males of the household had opted for a BBQ yesterday - so in the evening they began to move towards that outcome. I had been dreaming of Natalie's chicken and mushroom lasagne all day, so when I got up after my snooze I went and got the ingredients and made an experimental version in and around other dinner preparations. It's in the fridge now, with just a tiny tasting slice removed. It can be lunch. Or dinner I guess. I don't think we've got anything else planned. Again, nice to have a backup that is tasty and easy (now that it's done) just sitting and waiting as a just in case, in the fridge.
So - have we had progress (two entire happy days - and that's such a feat it feels like a week) or just an up that will inevitably swing the other way? I don't know. All I know is (with a very small couple of quick exceptions) the past 2 days have been wonderful. And I didn't even tell you about the job offer. This is the status quo I need to work towards ... whatever it takes.
Time to plan dinner (yes, that chicken and mushroom lasagne is really just the backup - and lunch- plan) & get on with my day. It's very naughty sitting in bed well after 9 in the morning, but it feels nice!
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