I feel so much better when I don't have to drag myself off to my job every day. I love being on leave. It's not that I don't want to work at all, or ever again, it's just that the fatigue of my working weeks leaves me emotionally unstable and prone to flare ups.
How do I deal with that? I guess in reality I need to find an alternative source of income. I don't think I'm some kind of amazing entrepreneur or anything like that. I haven't got a block buster or best selling novel bubbling just beneath the surface, ready to spring forth at any given moment. I just don't.
I'm dedicated, willing to work, happy to turn my hand to pretty much anything and not fussy about hourly rates. I just need to make sure I pay for the roof over our heads and put meals on our table. Nothing huge - just steady steady plod plod. The biggest problem with that of course is that I myself am not very steady steady plod plod. I'm flighty, moody, unpredictable and get bored/frustrated quite easily.
I love change. I love variety. I don't do 40 hours a week ongoing, particularly well. I'm pretty fine with 80 hours a week, sometimes. I'm pretty OK with 14 hour days and more, for a festival or such, provided there's recovery afterwards. I love only working 20 to 30 hours a week if it's going to be a longer commitment (a year or so, say). I'm totally crap at this full time, eat all of your time take all of your focus bullshit. I just don't do it well at all!
How and when am I going to change this?
Well, I put my hand up for a redundancy from my job. I don't know if I'll be approved. The organisation I work for is going through a period of quite massive cuts, but one of my managers seemed to think that my position was not one that could be abolished. We shall see. My case is up for consideration. That's all I can do - ask, then hope.
How do I deal with that? I guess in reality I need to find an alternative source of income. I don't think I'm some kind of amazing entrepreneur or anything like that. I haven't got a block buster or best selling novel bubbling just beneath the surface, ready to spring forth at any given moment. I just don't.
I'm dedicated, willing to work, happy to turn my hand to pretty much anything and not fussy about hourly rates. I just need to make sure I pay for the roof over our heads and put meals on our table. Nothing huge - just steady steady plod plod. The biggest problem with that of course is that I myself am not very steady steady plod plod. I'm flighty, moody, unpredictable and get bored/frustrated quite easily.
I love change. I love variety. I don't do 40 hours a week ongoing, particularly well. I'm pretty fine with 80 hours a week, sometimes. I'm pretty OK with 14 hour days and more, for a festival or such, provided there's recovery afterwards. I love only working 20 to 30 hours a week if it's going to be a longer commitment (a year or so, say). I'm totally crap at this full time, eat all of your time take all of your focus bullshit. I just don't do it well at all!
How and when am I going to change this?
Well, I put my hand up for a redundancy from my job. I don't know if I'll be approved. The organisation I work for is going through a period of quite massive cuts, but one of my managers seemed to think that my position was not one that could be abolished. We shall see. My case is up for consideration. That's all I can do - ask, then hope.
What will I do if they give me a package? It won’t be a big one by any manner of means. I haven’t been there for that long. It will be enough to put a little dent in my mortgage and to maybe close out a few minor debts of mine. It will be gone within the first 30 days of my receiving it, basically. It wouldn’t be enough for me to live on, or off, in any way.
So basically I would need to look for other work pretty much straight away. My first day at home that was a week/work day I would need to sit straight down and update my resume and start applying for jobs. At least, that’s how I see it. I think it’s too early for me to be out of the full, or nearly full time workforce. There’s just too many bills I need to pay and still kids to support etc.
So what would be the point?
I guess there are two main drivers. One is that no matter how small in comparison with what others might be eligible for, there is a lump sum involved. That lump sum would go mostly against my mortgage, and would make that horrible big debt number a bit smaller. That would be great, because it sometimes feels like no matter how much I pay off that damn thing, that mortgage barely shrinks at all, and sometimes it grows. I hate it. I’d like to be rid of it. Or at least to see a significantly smaller number!
So there’s driver number one. Money.
Driver number two is to get away from what I am doing right now, work wise. Change. I like change. I’m so tired of that location and I’m so tired of that commute. I could probably even deal with a commute that was as long. As long as it was to somewhere else! I love the freshness of new jobs, new workmates, and of learning new things. I don’t mind what. I’ve never had any particular grand plan in life about where I am going, in a career (or any other) sense. I just love to be part of things that are bigger than me. I like to make things happen. I like to feel like I have something, no matter how small, to contribute. And I love to learn - anything, everything, anywhere, anytime.
Driver number two is change. Because I enjoy change.
So cross your fingers for me that my redundancy gets approved/accepted. I’d very much like to have both of those things - money, and change. Once it has happened, then I’ll deal with the next step - where our meals will come from ongoing. I can do that, I know I can. I’ve done it many times!
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