I'm struggling a bit at the moment again. I get teary and exhausted, a bit (I guess you could say) paranoid about my partners commitment to me and his intentions. I get upset fairly easily and in the last week or so at work I noticed that I was being quite negative about one thing or another.
Thank goodness for time off over Christmas. I guess most people get a week or too. Me also. It will hopefully give me a bit of time to unwind and reset. I really need it. I hate it when I get like this. I'm tired of the tears and the churning feelings, the anxiety and the stress of it all.
Just stop then, you say. Easier said than done, it seems. I'd love to! I try. I really really work at it. The dog still comes back to bite me. Yesterday a gift hamper that arrived on my doorstep left me in floods of tears. I'm so underprepared for Christmas it just left me feeling guilty and unable to reciprocate that. When the hell did gratitude have to be replaced by guilt?
Anyway. I'll do my best to make it a happy and memorable Christmas for my kids. In whatever way I can. I feel exhausted just thinking about it.
My son wants to go to a friends to play now and has run out of activities to happily entertain himself here so this is going to be brief.
I'm tired, again. I'm so tired of being tired. I'm so tired of hearing myself whine about being tired too! I don't think I'm plotting recovery right now and I'm really scared that what I'm documenting is the beginnings of a relapse.
Wish me luck as I struggle to find balance and happiness at this very challenging time of year.
Thank goodness for time off over Christmas. I guess most people get a week or too. Me also. It will hopefully give me a bit of time to unwind and reset. I really need it. I hate it when I get like this. I'm tired of the tears and the churning feelings, the anxiety and the stress of it all.
Just stop then, you say. Easier said than done, it seems. I'd love to! I try. I really really work at it. The dog still comes back to bite me. Yesterday a gift hamper that arrived on my doorstep left me in floods of tears. I'm so underprepared for Christmas it just left me feeling guilty and unable to reciprocate that. When the hell did gratitude have to be replaced by guilt?
Anyway. I'll do my best to make it a happy and memorable Christmas for my kids. In whatever way I can. I feel exhausted just thinking about it.
My son wants to go to a friends to play now and has run out of activities to happily entertain himself here so this is going to be brief.
I'm tired, again. I'm so tired of being tired. I'm so tired of hearing myself whine about being tired too! I don't think I'm plotting recovery right now and I'm really scared that what I'm documenting is the beginnings of a relapse.
Wish me luck as I struggle to find balance and happiness at this very challenging time of year.
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