I've gotten back into transcribing my blog posts & journal entries into my "book". I like it - but at the same time it's a quite confronting project.
Reading over the places that I've been, the dark holes that I fell into over the past year and more - it's not a comforting activity. It's also quite concerning and disturbing to see how far apart my posts in here and in my journal sometimes have been from my more "public" blog - where I own my own identity, name, face, location ....
It's scary sometimes, when we realise just how much we conceal - even from ourselves!
Even though it's scary, somehow, I've come to think that part of the healing process is in bringing the worlds together. The very internal, introspective and dark world of a blog that has been intentionally set up to track depression and longed for recovery. The day to day drudge world of a journal, kept to just record whatever happens, however insignificant. Then the blog set up to present a public face and to take baby steps as a public writer. Combine those with the locked and safe blog where there was a defined audience, who were also revealing their own stories, and a facilitator who was leading and asking sometimes quite though provoking questions.
Worlds collide. Watching it happen on my electronic pages as they thread and lace together is a bit weird. It doesn't always make me feel safe or wonderful about who I am - but I feel it is a task I must do and I also feel that the result is something that I am bound to share. No more hiding. No more shying away from the ugly (but sometimes beautiful) truths of it all.
Reading over the places that I've been, the dark holes that I fell into over the past year and more - it's not a comforting activity. It's also quite concerning and disturbing to see how far apart my posts in here and in my journal sometimes have been from my more "public" blog - where I own my own identity, name, face, location ....
It's scary sometimes, when we realise just how much we conceal - even from ourselves!
Even though it's scary, somehow, I've come to think that part of the healing process is in bringing the worlds together. The very internal, introspective and dark world of a blog that has been intentionally set up to track depression and longed for recovery. The day to day drudge world of a journal, kept to just record whatever happens, however insignificant. Then the blog set up to present a public face and to take baby steps as a public writer. Combine those with the locked and safe blog where there was a defined audience, who were also revealing their own stories, and a facilitator who was leading and asking sometimes quite though provoking questions.
Worlds collide. Watching it happen on my electronic pages as they thread and lace together is a bit weird. It doesn't always make me feel safe or wonderful about who I am - but I feel it is a task I must do and I also feel that the result is something that I am bound to share. No more hiding. No more shying away from the ugly (but sometimes beautiful) truths of it all.
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