This is absolutely the first moment of reflective quiet that I have had, where I am at home, with access to the laptop - since my last post. And so much has happened. To be honest, having read that last post right now, I don't know that my partner and I have really done that much work directly on our issues, or the relationship - but we really have made an effort at just being good to each other, and being loving, and close, and yes, talking - when there is time!
Crazy crazy times. There was the week of having my mother here. Then there was an entire week of training for my new job. My job is part time, but the training was full time, and stretched into a second week as well - and some of it was conducted in the CBD - so it was back to massive days & long commutes for a few days there. I have my part time roster now. Yesterday & the day before I did my first two real shifts, on my duties, in the store. It was really fun. I have today & tomorrow off, then another 4 hour shift on Sunday.
What else is going on in my life? I haven't progressed very far with my FLYlady baby steps - but I've been mostly managing to polish the sink and leave it clean and clear each night. There have been a few exceptions, but not many. One of the nice things that has happened is that without any prompting, the au pair has been mirroring the sink behaviour - so if he washes up, he goes through much the same process, which is excellent. Most days I remind myself to get up and get dressed, all the way down to my shoes. I haven't today. I've snuck out in my dressing gown. But I might actually sneak back to bed for a little bit once I've finished this post. Not sure. I got up when my partner headed off to work for the day. I'm not sure if I've slept enough - but - he gets up then, and works a full shift, so in some senses I feel like I should be up and doing things too.
As I exited the bedroom (in the dark) this morning, I could see a little patch of something on the floor. I flipped on the light to see what it was. My partner has left me a little notebook (I've still been forgetting lots of things) and he's written my first few reminders/things to do in there. It's very sweet. I really do need a little tool like that.
So am I back from the brink? Yes and absolutely. Will I go there again? Sadly, history seems to indicate that it's highly likely. Have I learned any coping tools? Maybe.
Here's a bit of a list of what seems to be working so far:
Crazy crazy times. There was the week of having my mother here. Then there was an entire week of training for my new job. My job is part time, but the training was full time, and stretched into a second week as well - and some of it was conducted in the CBD - so it was back to massive days & long commutes for a few days there. I have my part time roster now. Yesterday & the day before I did my first two real shifts, on my duties, in the store. It was really fun. I have today & tomorrow off, then another 4 hour shift on Sunday.
What else is going on in my life? I haven't progressed very far with my FLYlady baby steps - but I've been mostly managing to polish the sink and leave it clean and clear each night. There have been a few exceptions, but not many. One of the nice things that has happened is that without any prompting, the au pair has been mirroring the sink behaviour - so if he washes up, he goes through much the same process, which is excellent. Most days I remind myself to get up and get dressed, all the way down to my shoes. I haven't today. I've snuck out in my dressing gown. But I might actually sneak back to bed for a little bit once I've finished this post. Not sure. I got up when my partner headed off to work for the day. I'm not sure if I've slept enough - but - he gets up then, and works a full shift, so in some senses I feel like I should be up and doing things too.
As I exited the bedroom (in the dark) this morning, I could see a little patch of something on the floor. I flipped on the light to see what it was. My partner has left me a little notebook (I've still been forgetting lots of things) and he's written my first few reminders/things to do in there. It's very sweet. I really do need a little tool like that.
So am I back from the brink? Yes and absolutely. Will I go there again? Sadly, history seems to indicate that it's highly likely. Have I learned any coping tools? Maybe.
Here's a bit of a list of what seems to be working so far:
- the Naturopath - I think those supplements have been HUGE
- the Chiropractor - but not just any old chiropractor, it needs to be a really good one
- routine, such as the FLYlady
- reading about BPD, but not allowing myself to associate as THAT person too much
- friends - close ones, who I've told what's going on, just being supportive, accepting, and loving
Funny, but I'm reluctant to put the psychologist on that list. Of all the tools and support I've played around with, I've felt the least helped by that - but the world is a funny place and help can be a subtle thing, so I don't want to write it off completely - but it's definitely not in my top five.
Oh - CHANGING JOBS!! Getting out of a toxic and exhausting environment, and then finding work somewhere positive and fun, where employees are treated not only as human beings, but as people with enormous (and varied) potential. THAT is huge.
OK - well, it's nearly enough from me for one post. I haven't made a lasagne since the crock pot cheese and spinach one. We have been doing a lot of crock pot meals though. The oven element is broken at the moment, so hooray for the crock pot!
I've gotten really quite enthusiastic about meal planning, and meal preparation, which is kind of nice. We've been eating really well & lots of variety with lots of great leftovers to take for work lunches. A must, now that the budget is so much tighter.
We will survive. I will survive.
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