Some days, I just cry from tiredness. Just lately, despite the fact that I've been eating as well as I know how, and possibly better than I ever have in my life - I feel so much physical pain. There just doesn't seem to be time to do the basic bodily maintenance to keep it all at bay.
I've taken to wearing socks two days in a row, just airing them on top of my boots. It saves on washing. I've NEVER done that before. I only wash my hair every second or third day now. That saves time too. It only looks a bit ratty. I've stopped caring. I'm just to tired to really give a rat's arse.
Today I got up and I showered, washed my hair even. I brushed my teeth, I ironed my shirt. I was dressed, all the way down to the boots and it was time to make my lunch. I just sat there, in the living room, in a fog of fatigue - not being able to figure out what to do next. Minutes elapsed.
Eventually I came back upstairs and sat on the edge of the bed and took my boots off and just cried. I was so tired, I just couldn't face it. And now, ironically, I can't sleep. Unbelievable.
I don't know what to do. I am unsure if I can wait the required weeks or months to wait to see what will become of my job. I feel like I need to change something right now. I won't though. I can't afford to. I have to hang in there. For just a little while longer.
I keep promising myself - for just a little while longer. Plod the plod, nod the nod. Do the shit. Cop the crap. For just a little while longer.
I've taken to wearing socks two days in a row, just airing them on top of my boots. It saves on washing. I've NEVER done that before. I only wash my hair every second or third day now. That saves time too. It only looks a bit ratty. I've stopped caring. I'm just to tired to really give a rat's arse.
Today I got up and I showered, washed my hair even. I brushed my teeth, I ironed my shirt. I was dressed, all the way down to the boots and it was time to make my lunch. I just sat there, in the living room, in a fog of fatigue - not being able to figure out what to do next. Minutes elapsed.
Eventually I came back upstairs and sat on the edge of the bed and took my boots off and just cried. I was so tired, I just couldn't face it. And now, ironically, I can't sleep. Unbelievable.
I don't know what to do. I am unsure if I can wait the required weeks or months to wait to see what will become of my job. I feel like I need to change something right now. I won't though. I can't afford to. I have to hang in there. For just a little while longer.
I keep promising myself - for just a little while longer. Plod the plod, nod the nod. Do the shit. Cop the crap. For just a little while longer.
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