Just to go back that is, after a bit of time off over the festive season. No I'm not, really - is the answer to that. I don't want to. I don't feel like it. I haven't ironed my work shirts. I like it much better here. I feel completely resistant to the idea of responding to that alarm, which is going to go off three or four hours earlier than I've been getting up this week. I feel completely resistant to the idea of leaving our house with barely a backwards glance, while there's barely grey light touching the ground. I am tired already at the thought of parking the car and marching to the station. I feel despondent at the idea of lining up along the platform with all the other lemmings.
To be truthful though, once on the train, I quite like it. I like the rhythm of the movement and the opportunity to nap or read. And in a more positive mindset, I don't mind the idea of getting off at the station near my work and seeing friendly and familiar faces. There's a bit of pleasure at the thought of signing on and saying hello to my team and finding out how their break has been. A bit like the first day back at school I guess. There's that catching up to do - with people who you don't usually see anywhere much else, but who you like, and who have become part of the fabric of your life.
It will be OK. I will manage, for a while more. I will serve my term. However long it takes. There's trains to catch, bills to pay...
I haven't written much over this break. Not much here, not much in my personal journal .... I haven't read much either. I'm behind on most of the blogs I usually like to follow. In a weird way, I've had less time to myself than I would get in a working week. I guess that's family for you! It's been really good. I've seen quite a bit of my daughter and spend heaps of time with my small son. I even Skyped the big one who is O/S a couple of times, which is more than I usually manage. My partner has had the same time off as me so we've gotten to spend lots of time together too, in a good way. We've had a couple of nice dinners out together, a BBQ lunch with the neighbours, which was really nice, and just generally hung out.
That's what holidays are for I guess. Rest and rejuvenation. We go back to the grindstone with fresh will and determination to turn it harder so as to be able to stop again sooner. What a world!
A few more years, I keep telling myself. A few more years.
I couldn't even bring myself to want to go away over this break. The thought of having to come back again was just too depressing. I've realised that when I leave, I want it to be a much longer leaving. I don't want to have the prospect of coming back lurking and looming over my shoulder. Having said that though, I'd also like to get away at least once, maybe a couple of times during the year - just for the inspiration and fun of it.
So much to do, and yet, in so many ways, what I long for is to do more of this lovely nothing!
To be truthful though, once on the train, I quite like it. I like the rhythm of the movement and the opportunity to nap or read. And in a more positive mindset, I don't mind the idea of getting off at the station near my work and seeing friendly and familiar faces. There's a bit of pleasure at the thought of signing on and saying hello to my team and finding out how their break has been. A bit like the first day back at school I guess. There's that catching up to do - with people who you don't usually see anywhere much else, but who you like, and who have become part of the fabric of your life.
It will be OK. I will manage, for a while more. I will serve my term. However long it takes. There's trains to catch, bills to pay...
I haven't written much over this break. Not much here, not much in my personal journal .... I haven't read much either. I'm behind on most of the blogs I usually like to follow. In a weird way, I've had less time to myself than I would get in a working week. I guess that's family for you! It's been really good. I've seen quite a bit of my daughter and spend heaps of time with my small son. I even Skyped the big one who is O/S a couple of times, which is more than I usually manage. My partner has had the same time off as me so we've gotten to spend lots of time together too, in a good way. We've had a couple of nice dinners out together, a BBQ lunch with the neighbours, which was really nice, and just generally hung out.
That's what holidays are for I guess. Rest and rejuvenation. We go back to the grindstone with fresh will and determination to turn it harder so as to be able to stop again sooner. What a world!
A few more years, I keep telling myself. A few more years.
I couldn't even bring myself to want to go away over this break. The thought of having to come back again was just too depressing. I've realised that when I leave, I want it to be a much longer leaving. I don't want to have the prospect of coming back lurking and looming over my shoulder. Having said that though, I'd also like to get away at least once, maybe a couple of times during the year - just for the inspiration and fun of it.
So much to do, and yet, in so many ways, what I long for is to do more of this lovely nothing!
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