My lovely, longtime, ocassionally lost to me friend:
You are worth everything. Every breath you take, every moment, every tear, every struggle, every blackspot, every hesitation, every therapist, every person who ever gave a minute of their time to you. You are worth every damned thing. Everything.
This is a terrible, black, horrible, ugly and interminable seeming time. It may not end, you may not get through it. I hope against hope that you do, for you, for me, for everyone whose life you have touched. The world would be the poorer without your sunshine in it.
The reasons we want you to stay are all selfish. You light up peoples lives when you walk into the room. You make us laugh, you've made us cry, we've made memories together. There are so many of us who would dearly love you to continue to weave your story so that we can watch on and sometimes participate. You are part of our stories, part of our pasts and we want you to go forward and be a part of our future too.
I know that right know you just want the world to stop so that you can get off. I know that right now you don't want there to be a tomorrow that has you in it. I know that that feeling might never go away, or it might take a very long time and a lot of hard work to escape from and that now matter how thorough your recover is, this will always leave a scar.
I know too that there are other scars, so many of them. Time only fades them, it never really takes them away and then as we get older, some of the old injuries start to ache. Old things come back to haunt us and we look back at time and loves lost and wonder why we wasted so much of what we had and why things didn't work out for us and how come other people seem to manage to navigate life so bloody successfully. What the hell happened to us?
I know that no one can take your pain away. I know that nothing that any one of us can say will make today any better or easier. You know we would if we could. It's awful to realise how hard it is for you right now and how much pain you are in.
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A week and more has passed since I started constructing this post. You are feeling better now, improved indeed by the sounds of things. I am so glad. So happy for you that your happy has crept back, at least a little, into your heart.
I will post this, so that I don't lose these thoughts, but I will not draw your attention to it now, as I thought I might when I first started writing.
I will just be quietly joyous for your steps to recovery.
Your friend.
You are worth everything. Every breath you take, every moment, every tear, every struggle, every blackspot, every hesitation, every therapist, every person who ever gave a minute of their time to you. You are worth every damned thing. Everything.
This is a terrible, black, horrible, ugly and interminable seeming time. It may not end, you may not get through it. I hope against hope that you do, for you, for me, for everyone whose life you have touched. The world would be the poorer without your sunshine in it.
The reasons we want you to stay are all selfish. You light up peoples lives when you walk into the room. You make us laugh, you've made us cry, we've made memories together. There are so many of us who would dearly love you to continue to weave your story so that we can watch on and sometimes participate. You are part of our stories, part of our pasts and we want you to go forward and be a part of our future too.
I know that right know you just want the world to stop so that you can get off. I know that right now you don't want there to be a tomorrow that has you in it. I know that that feeling might never go away, or it might take a very long time and a lot of hard work to escape from and that now matter how thorough your recover is, this will always leave a scar.
I know too that there are other scars, so many of them. Time only fades them, it never really takes them away and then as we get older, some of the old injuries start to ache. Old things come back to haunt us and we look back at time and loves lost and wonder why we wasted so much of what we had and why things didn't work out for us and how come other people seem to manage to navigate life so bloody successfully. What the hell happened to us?
I know that no one can take your pain away. I know that nothing that any one of us can say will make today any better or easier. You know we would if we could. It's awful to realise how hard it is for you right now and how much pain you are in.
***************************************************************************
A week and more has passed since I started constructing this post. You are feeling better now, improved indeed by the sounds of things. I am so glad. So happy for you that your happy has crept back, at least a little, into your heart.
I will post this, so that I don't lose these thoughts, but I will not draw your attention to it now, as I thought I might when I first started writing.
I will just be quietly joyous for your steps to recovery.
Your friend.
