I just found this post. I think it's possibly a yer old ... Unposted. For what it's worth, I'm going to post it now.
Well, by and large I think I am well. However, I think that I am drifting. Deep in my heart there is a tiny little fear that drifting might allow me to stray back into the darkness of depression.
I am working full time. We are living in my new house. I see my (small) son for dinner 3 nights a week and he generally stays over from Friday evening until Sunday after dinner. Things with my partner are good, very good even, I would venture to say. We are finally experiencing the love and settled bliss that deep in both our hearts, we knew we could have, but struggled to create. Life is good.
But where am I going? And how will I know when I get there? I just found this exercise in a blog I sometimes read, called 'The Change Blog', and I thought I might give it a go:
Grab a pencil and paper. Imagine 5 years have passed. All of your dreams have come true. What is a day in your life like? What activities do you do? What people are in your life? What people are no longer in your life? How much money do you make? How do you make money? Where do you live? How do you feel on a daily basis?
In five years from now, I will be 4 months shy of my 50th birthday. Now there's a thought that should hold me into action. My goodness, where have the years gone!
I find it hard to imagine having had all my dreams come true because I barely stop to dream at the moment. However, let's give this a shot!
If all my dreams had come true, that would mean that I have been to Hong Kong, to visit my big son. My brother has 2 healthy and happy young children, my parents are both still alive and well and living on their farm ... I have been on that boat cruise, the big one, and been to Broome, and to Tasmania. My partner stopped work this year or next and had a few wonderful years tidying up loose ends and gaining some new skills, as well as just unwinding after more than 20 years as a public servant.
If all my dreams came true ... I worked on for a few more years and cleared my mortgage, as well as just simply gaining a bit more experience and lots of career satisfaction. Unexpectedly, just in time - a fresh round of redundancy options came through and I got the last boost that I needed to launch me out of the shackling need for full time permanent work.
Our final tidy up of finances left us with a couple of good solid rental properties, no debt, a brilliant camper-van and a little pad in Sydney, to which we can (and will) return whenever we feel like it.
We are travelling now. Free to roam the country at will and financially stable enough to still look forward to a trip overseas once a year or so if we desire. We have thrived at finding work together and some of it has been considerably more lucrative than we expected initially. Additionally, I still take periodic training contracts and we go where the work is. We have had some incredible adventures and made some wonderful friends. The additional free time we have gained by living where we work and not always working had given us time to really focus on our health and fitness. We both glow, and our energy is abundant. We swim in the ocean and walk in the mountains. We have experience Vipashana retreats and volunteered at festivals. We have participated in straw bale house builds and permaculture workshops. We have worked as WWOOFERS and visited remote Indigenous communities. We are both studying part time, not because we need the qualifications but because we enjoy the intellectual stimulation - however, our studies promise to broaden our horizons even more.
We have plenty of money, an abundance of food and everything else that we need. We find welcomes wherever we go and due to our freedom, can respond quickly to friends or family in need. We have house sat and farm minded and done things we didn't ever dream to put on our bucket lists. We enjoy new ideas every day and life is an absolute adventure.
One thing we know, at this stage in our lives, is that one day, perhaps soon, we will fall in love. We will find our "forever home". We aren't forcing the idea, but we are open. Each time we explore a new area, we clarify even further what is, and is not, perfect for us. When we have created perfect clarity, and are completely ready, our home will present itself. We have the financial resources to respond when this happens. We are truly blessed.
We look forwards intensely now, to that next phase in our lives. We are beginning to dream of orchards, poultry, vegetable patches, bees and other settled production. We have gained so many incredible ideas about sustainable and beautiful housing and ecologically sound "homesteading" - it is nearly time for us to create our own small Eden. It will be our turn to be a base, and to fling open our gates, doors and hearts to others.
We will need to have good networks and to develop a sustainable and manageable enough system that others can care for it, because we will always be adventurers and will head off from time to time. There are sights to see, festivals to attend, battles to back up and lessons to learn. Still, it will be good to have our own patch of perfection to return to and grow with. I'm so excited!
That's enough for now, I think. Maybe it's not as specific as it was meant to be - but I like it. That's where i want to be!
